Saturday, July 08, 2006

How to be a Shurf


I have decided to publish a "How to be a Sheriff for Dummies" so that Mark Luttrell can stop making bone-head mistakes. Here are the top 10 Dos and Don'ts from my soon to be released blockbuster:

1. You are now a law enforcement officer. This means you are supposed to be a role model. You are to hold your officers to a higher standard than the ordinary citizens, but you are to hold yourself to an even higher standard.

2. Remember rule number one! Now, DO NOT HANG OUT WITH CONVICTED FELONS!

3. Remember both rules 1 and 2 and DO NOT TAKE MONEY FROM CONVICTED FELONS, ESPECIALLY THOSE WHO WERE CONVICTED OF SELLING COCAINE!

4. Remember all above, then DO NOT PUNISH DEPUTIES FOR DOING SOMETHING SIMILAR TO WHAT YOU DID, BUT MUCH LESS SO.

5. If you do forget all the above, and you do take the money from felons (including drug dealers), give it back and make a public statement saying you didn't know that some of those guys were convicted felons (even though they were in the newspaper for years while their cases where being prosecuted).

6. If you forget all the above and you do give the money back, etc. don't forget to give the officers their time back that you took. Remember, these guys have families and you haven't been overly generous to them anyway, so they need all the money they can get.

7. Don't listen to people who have no ideas about law enforcement and no experience with it when it comes to whether or not it would be a good idea to sell off all those cars that are on the parking lot. They are there so they can be used when you need to add officers to a special operation.

8. Don't get involved in the minute details to the point you are "crossing swords" with officers over personal or political issues. Be bigger than that.

9. Don't put officers, even those that you have decided need to feel your wrath, in positions that don't really exist. Use officer's talents to help provide a safer county.

10. Listen to those who have made arrests for many years, who know what they are doing, especially those who have developed systems that have made thousands of officers more effective in doing their jobs. Pay close attention to those officers who may have developed things so outstanding that THE software company, Microsoft, has published a case study on their work. Listen to those kinds of officers and use them, rather than being jealous. Recognizing talent and using it is not a sign of weakness, it is a sign of good leadership!

Oh yeah, don't forget to remember all the above!

3 comments:

sick of this stuff said...

Truer words were never spoken! You have hit the nail on the head. I saw your posting about crime being up in the county - four times higher than in the city - and he's giving all the reserves to the city! What the hell is wrong with him? I voted for him last time and I'll be damned if that wasn't a big mistake! I won't make it again!!!!

yoyoyo said...

How in the world did he ever get elected? I've just moved here from Texas and our Sheriff's are law men. This guy needs to run for dog catcher, and I wouldn't vote for him on that one either.Sheesh!

Anonymous said...

This is some funny shit! Memphis is such a effing joke! I wonder if Mark will read the book?